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Going directly to the top, Hawkeye (Alan Alda) complains about the war in general and recent events at the 4077th in particular in a letter to President Harry Truman). Among Hawk's bones of contention is the capriciousness of Col. Ditka (Stefan Gierasch), who will provide the camp with a much-needed new water heater only on condition that the staffers participate to a "beautification" project. It is tough enough to clean up the grounds, but it is torture beyond belief to overhaul one's own personal hygiene.