Helmed by prolific TV vet E.W. Swackhamer, this woman-in-peril movie of the week can't help but be proficient. But really, beyond that, what can be said about an erotic thriller starring Dr. Quinn and one of the Hardy Boys? Jane Seymour certainly knows her demographic, and Are You Lonesome Tonight? caters to it at every turn, offering up a beautifully appointed world of frosty yet good-hearted socialites, sprawling suburban mansions, and tasteful sexual tension. Parker Stevenson, as a private dick with questionable motivations, proves a reliable provider of middle-aged beefcake. But it's Beth Broderick, as a husky-voiced call girl with a baby-doll demeanor, who has -- and provides -- the most fun. Things liven up whenever she's onscreen, but even an overwrought climax featuring Broderick brandishing various kitchen implements can't elevate this flick beyond so-bad-it's-pretty-good status. Are You Lonesome Tonight? aspires to be a Hitchcockian thriller, but its endless, lingering shots of Seymour framed in windows and doorways serve mainly to remind viewers they could be watching Vertigo instead.