See Spot Run should really be called See David Embarrass Himself. The David in question would be David Arquette, star of one of the most moronic exercises in slapstick and bathroom humor you're likely to see -- or preferably, not see. It's pitched at the same intellectual level as those Dick and Jane books referenced in the title, only not so wholesome and delightful. In fact, delight is totally absent from John Whitesell's detestable mess, which is as shoddily produced as it is vapidly written. Goofy sound effects seem to have come from sampler CDs rather than actual foley artists; visual effects are D-grade, as when a character who gets drenched by a passing car is clearly just being hit by a bucket of water thrown from the left side of the screen. See Spot Run begs you to notice its every imperfection -- you could make a drinking game out of it and be absolutely hammered by the end. You'd also want to include the bits that are just poorly conceived, like the ridiculous scenes in which Arquette bounces around a pet store encased in bubble wrap, does his best Wile E. Coyote impersonation while getting shocked by an electric dog collar, and repeatedly slips in doggy doo. But See Spot Run is an equal opportunity offender -- it also puts Leslie Bibb through the ringer, covering her in every foul substance you can imagine and positioning her in the blast zone of a farting zebra. Yes, that's right, a farting zebra. To up the offensive quotient, there are a bunch of mafia goons hanging around trying to whack the titular dog. That bull mastiff is the only cute thing about See Spot Run, but one senses that if he were a sentient creature, he would never have taken the part.