A painfully unfunny horror comedy, Transylvania 6-5000 is a tedious mess. Undoubtedly inspired by Young Frankenstein and other horror spoofs that emerged in the wake of that Mel Brooks smash, Transylvania 6-5000 commits the inexcusable crime of being practically laugh-less. Oh, there are things in the script that are obviously intended as gags, situations that are clearly meant to evoke chuckles and words that are put together in such a way that one can only assume that they are intended as jokes. But witnessing all this doesn't produce laughter, only yawns and, ultimately, irritation. The director would most likely blame this on the screenwriter's inability to write anything funny, and the writer would most likely say the fault is the director's for not knowing how to put a gag over, but since both jobs are held by Rudy de Luca, there's really no passing the buck. De Luca at least had the good sense to cast some actors with genuine comedic skills, but Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley, Jr. can't fight their way out of the material, and even such talents as Carol Kane, John Byner and Norman Fell come up empty-handed here. On the plus side, Geena Davis loves gorgeous -- but that by itself is not enough reason to watch this film.