Get a Life : Chris Gets His Tonsils Out (1991)

Genres - Comedy  |   Sub-Genres - Absurd Comedy, Sitcom [TV], Parody/Spoof  |   Run Time - 30 min.  |   Countries - United States  |  
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Synopsis by Josh Ralske

This episode opens with Chris (Chris Elliott) undergoing a makeshift medical exam. Gus (Brian Doyle-Murray) is using a cigarette lighter to look at his throat. Chris mentions a burning sensation (he does have a lighter in his mouth), but Gus reassures him, "I wouldn't worry about it, unless it was in your urinary tract." Chris nevertheless takes an ambulance to his doctor's office (he finds them "much more courteous and quicker than taxi cabs") where Dr. Garrett (Earl Boen, who played Dr. Kramer in three episodes the first season) breaks the bad news. Chris' tonsils will have to come out. "Now my voice will get high," Chris laments, "and I'll sprout breasts and sit around all day in lingerie -- not that that'd be the worst thing in the world." But Dr. Kramer reassures him that there's only a .001 percent chance that there will be complications. Chris poignantly expresses his fear that he's "doomed...isolated from the rest of the world, like a free-floating blob of cellulite cast adrift in a sea of cotton candy soaked in dog saliva. Which is so ironic because dogs are allergic to cotton candy." After the doctor throws Chris out, he goes to break the bad news to his parents, who promise to "pull the plug" if the operation renders Chris unable to enjoy life. Chris then goes to make his peace with his nemesis, Sharon (Robin Riker), who knees him in the groin and scares him off with a pistol when she learns he's just having a tonsillectomy. After spending a day living life to the fullest (including defacing the Mona Lisa and giving birth to a baby), Chris goes under the knife. When he wakes up, he's horrified to discover he is unable to speak. No one else is upset about it.