Synopsis by Josh Ralske
Chris (voice of Seth Green) gets a paper route so he'll be able to buy a birthday present for his junior high crush. He earns enough money to buy the girl a bottle of perfume. "It'll make you smell like Elizabeth Taylor," he tells her. "I guess that means you'll smell like bourbon and Vicodin." Things go downhill from there. Later, Chris witnesses a convenience store robbery. When he goes to the police station to pick the culprit out of a lineup, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) idiotically reveals Chris' identity to the hoodlum. When the bad guy escapes from jail, the feds show up to put the Griffins in the witness relocation program. They're sent to Bumblescum, a tiny town in the Deep South. Their new home is a decrepit shack. "I bet if we fixed it up a bit," Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) enthuses, "it could be a piece of crap." Inside, they find a jar with a hand in it in the basement, and an unfunny Jeff Foxworthy (voice of Ralph Garman) in the closet. Peter is repeatedly attacked by raccoons. He rigs up the station wagon like the General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard, and Stewie (MacFarlane) learns to play the banjo, which makes him "feel so deliciously white trash." Chris makes a new friend, Sam (voice of Kathleen Wilhoite), who appears to want more than friendship from him. But Peter runs afoul of the locals when he critiques a Civil War reenactment in which the South wins, and things get even more dangerous when the FBI agents inadvertently reveal Chris' location to the robber. This episode features the vocal talents of Brian Dunkelman, Dakota Fanning, and Waylon Jennings.