Body Rock (1984)

Genres - Dance, Musical  |   Sub-Genres - Rock Musical, Dance Film  |   Run Time - 120 min.  |   Countries - United States   |   MPAA Rating - PG13
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Ninety-three minutes of pure, cheese-coated hilarity await you in Body Rock, a self-declared "rapstravaganza" that will change your mind about Lorenzo Lamas, breakdancing, and life in general. Virtually every second of this shockingly bad outing from 1984 reeks of kitsch gold. From the brilliant and gaudy new wave street gear outfits to the insane black light dance sequence, viewers should be prepared for anything! As far as the hunky hero with the marvelous chest hair goes, Lamas is an Ed Wood-ian joy as Chilly D, the leader of the breakdancing/rapping performance artists, Body Rock. Oh, if only big papa Fernando could have lived a few more years to see his son in parachute pants and neon headbands trying his best to be the next Grandmaster Flash. Proving that rich white actors really could rap back then (no, really!), the future king of straight-to-video steamy action flicks does wonders with the bodacious wordplay and equally shows off his lead feet in some of the most jaw-dropping musical numbers this side of The Apple. Production design should equally share the praise as it delivers what could be the coolest boom box set ever created on stage, screen, or even scrawled on classroom notebooks. This is '80s excessive trash at its most loud and proud, which is curious considering its strong homophobic underpinnings that pop up throughout the film. In a perfect world, this would be the new Rocky Horror Picture Show, but alas, it's just a bit too obscure for the ironic crowd to jump onto. Hopefully, one day more people will discover this gem, and when they do, one should hope that they pay special attention to the mustached and overweight white guy in the Body Rock team whose mind-altering enthusiasm is a lesson in life that everyone can learn from. This one's for you, man! Thanks to Fernando Lamas and Body Rock, your teachings shall never be forgotten.