Well really now, any film with the title Goldilocks and the Three Bares should be a lot more fun than this one turns out to be. Clearly, one doesn't expect great art from this title; equally clearly, one assumes it will be a "nudie" flick, and there are precious few expectations of great drama associated with that genre. But there should at least be a lighthearted, giddy sense of naughtiness about the piece that makes it a kick to view. And when one finds out that Goldilocks is also a musical, one can't help but expect a few giggle. Alas, the laughs are few and far between in Goldilocks; the writers seem to think that they are supplying gags and funny situations, but they are quite deluded in this. Director Herschell Gordon Lewis turns in surprisingly dull work that doesn't hint at the quite individual style exhibited in many of his other films. And as might be expected, the acting is thoroughly poor. Even the sequence that promises at least a decent amount of titillation -- the nude horseback scene -- is defeated by its ungainly length.