Uwe Boll and his clueless European financiers are back again with Alone in the Dark, one of the most inept straight-to-video flicks to hit theaters since the previous year's junky but delicious sequel Anacondas. Much like that cheesefest, there's plenty of awful stuff to relish here, but where do you start? Do you begin with Tara Reid's hilarious thespian chops as you physically see her wrap that valley girl brain around that anthropological dialogue? How about the stupefying scroll and voiceover that numbingly drags the movie to a start? You could also mention the glorious goth/Euro/metal dance tracks that accompany all of Boll's adolescent visual styles (cue overused slo-mo shots along with the unforgettable-because-it-hurt muzzle flash action sequence here). With some dreadful CG creatures that you never actually see too clearly, plus Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff representing the "brotherhood of has-been actors that look the same," you begin to get the main juicy gist of what is in store for you and it really isn't pretty. While nowhere near the jaw-dropping cinematic plight of the egotistical director's previous outing House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark is still a terribly fun goof of a flick that most will despise for all of the above reasons. Taken as the next step in junk cinema however, this sucker should hold all of its cult followers over until Boll's next award-winning project hits the screen, BloodRayne -- yet another video game adaptation that's sure to stink up theaters and living rooms for years to come.
by Jeremy Wheeler review