Synopsis by Josh Ralske
Chris (Chris Elliott) gets a job as a health inspector and ends up testifying before a senate subcommittee in this shocking episode. Chris is sitting down to a nice healthy breakfast with Gus (Brian Doyle-Murray) when a dead rat plops down out of the milk carton and into his cereal bowl. Chris decides right then and there that he wants to be a food inspector. Gus makes some phone calls on Chris' behalf, and soon thereafter, Chris shows up for his on-the-job training. The first restaurant kitchen he inspects is filthy. Among other violations, there's a litter of puppies in an open sack of flour and a bug zapper positioned directly over a pot of soup. Chris is shocked when his trainer, Rob (Thom Sharp), takes a stack of money from the restaurant owner and gives the place a clean bill of health. "I simply cannot condone a system that allows insects to go careening through our small intestine as though it were a really cool waterslide," Chris tells him indignantly. But he changes his tune when Rob hands him a five-dollar bill. When a secretive government agent shows up in Chris' garage, asking him to testify, Chris tells him, "So you want me to sing, huh? Like a little rat bastard canary, huh? Chewing on its own cuttlebone in a cage made by your own gilded saliva!" "Peterson, pretending to be a yammering half-wit isn't going to help you in prison," the agent responds. Chris still isn't ready to give up his "perks," until his parents find a sweat sock on top of a delivered pizza. "My dear parents could have choked a woolly death on this evil stink-hose," he laments. But things take an ugly turn when Rob shows up at the senate hearing, holding Gus at gunpoint.