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The annual "All Priests Over 75 Indoor Five-a-Side Football" match is right around the corner, and Ted (Dermot Morgan) will once again coach against his archrival, Father Dick Byrne (Maurice O'Donoghue). Whoever loses must perform a forfeit of the other's choosing. Problems arise immediately, chief among them that Ted's best strikers have had some setbacks: Father Jack (Frank Kelly) is in a coma after overdosing on a sleeping aid, and Father Nick isn't "at the very peak of his powers" because he's just died. To top things off, Dick Byrne has an ace up his sleeve, a "flip-hot" elderly Italian. After Ted's team wins, the referee discovers that he'd manipulated the comatose Jack on the pitch via remote-controlled wheelchair. Byrne tells Ted his forfeit; Ted must kick Bishop Brennan "up the arse." (The story arc continues in "Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse.")