Director William Castle (Dave Thomas) offers two alternate endings for a mystery film featuring Hercule Poirot (John Candy) -- much to the dismay of Agatha Christie (Andrea Martin). Elsewhere, Billy Sol (Candy) and Big Jim (Joe Flaherty) are impressed when The Amazing Cretin (Thomas) demonstrates his ESP skills...but can he blow up real good? Also: "The Heys of Our Lives," a soap opera in which everyone says "Hey!" (What did you expect?); Phil the Garment King (Eugene Levy) goes into the nail business; and Johnny Cash performs at Melonville State Prison.